Don't you send me to vm
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
