how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
