Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
