Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
