Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
