There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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