I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
