I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
