I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
