i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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