So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
