Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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