There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
