operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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