last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
