she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
