considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
