Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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