I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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