my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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