I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
