he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
