I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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