So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
