So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
