she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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