it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
