you have to choose: penises or morals?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize