i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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