Can i not drive my cunt home
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
