This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
