Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
