thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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