You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
