I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
