At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
