my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
