Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
