sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
