the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
