Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
