Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
