Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
