You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
