he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
