made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
