then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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