Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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