Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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