I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
