i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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