yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
